How To Be Stupid – Comprehensive Guide For Being Dumb

Back in the days, my glory days, I used to sleep until noon. Till I am fully energized after between 10 to 12 hours good night sleep snuggling between the pillows. My morning routine included 30 minutes of laying on my bed and another 30 preparing to get up. Once I was up, my mind was already occupied by a TV show. Life was running in a slow motion. I didn’t have a job or any ambitions. Yet, a day full of watching my favorite shows and walking around coffee shops with people who I barely knew was a blessing. I thought I was living a dream… Thinking about it now, I was simply being stupid.

Are you tired of striving for more, going to the gym, waking up early, actually working? Sick from reading motivational quotes, inspirational articles, watching cheesy success video?1 I bet you are. The net is flooded with them. Hey, such articles even exist on my site. Here are two for instance – Fuck motivation and Don’t follow your passion.2 What the hell was I thinking writing those?! Let’s be lazy.

If you’re too, tired, from constantly pushing yourself to the max, waking up early, caring for what you do, or don’t do. Worry not my friend. We can all be lazy parasites draining our mommies bank accounts if we want to.

Like everything in life, stupidity is something we can practice and then master. Some of us are actually born with this ability. Occasionally, I envy these bastards, I really do. Why? Well, they don’t need much to be happy. A big screen TV, connection to the internet, and time. Give them all the time in the world and they will masterfully transform it into movie marathons and drink all-nighters. Switching one show after another, mixing with a couple of old-fashioned movies, and eventually doing a quick swing to the XXX collection.

The tips you will see below are based on my experience and observation over my life and the lives of others – the demolishing habits, disturbing manners, illogical behavior and ambitionless actions. Well, let’s dig in:


Don’t turn on your blinker whenever you’re going left or right

Car accumulators have a certain life cycle and constantly pressing the blinker, left or right, will exhaust them prematurely. Being stupid doesn’t mean being impractical. At least not for the things that really matter to you. New, expensive, shiny, a car you can’t afford is basically a must for every dummy.

Also, why should you turn on the blinker? Others should stay out of your way when they are driving near you. The direction you’re going is much more important than where others, who move around you, are going. Your simple existence to another car is enough to alert for them to move when you want to go left or right.

This practice – flashing to the left or right when driving, is so overrated. Technology is so advanced right now – we let A.I. drive our cars. Still, the government, the police, the society, and occasionally our friends, while they ride with us, are trying to convince us to use this indicator while turning. If it’s that important, they should think of a way to automate this process, not try to force us do this extra work. It doesn’t make sense.


Have No Manners

Life is too short to behave when in front of other human beings.

People say that you should eat with your mouth closed. Fuck what they say. Opening your mouth every time you chew brings fresh air inside your lungs. Of course, this stimulates your body and mind. Our bodies need oxygen to survive. It’s scientifically proven.3 The same applies when chewing a gum. The gum stays fresh much longer for you to enjoy if you stretch your mouth as much as possible. Beware of closing your mouth even when you’re sneezing. A drool might end up on the person sitting right next to you, but that’s ok. He probably needed a refreshment.

Opening a door for a girl, saying “thank you” to the person holding the elevator, turning off the sound of your phone when in a movie theater? All of the above are actions done by insecure people seeking attention. True jerks behave like animals and ignore social norms because they are invented by losers, for losers.


Talk Only About Yourself

Yes, there are more than 7.442 billion people living in this world but they don’t matter.4 Remember what your mother used to say when you were younger – “You’re special”; “You’re the unique”; “You’re the best thing in this whole world.” Of course, this is true. It’s your own mother saying it, she can’t be lying. She is probably saying it at this very moment, right after bringing you breakfast and making your bed, in her house.

Talking about yourself is the only known way to pass important information about you, to others. Being special it’s like a job and others deserve to know how you manage. Even if you’re not asked right away how you feel, what you’re up to, or what’s your business, you should share immediately once you greet the person standing beside you.

You probably think how other people live without knowing your every move? Well, thanks to the Internet and the advance of technology, you can now update everybody with your mood, what you’re about to eat, how you’re dressed and where are you going. If you haven’t guessed it already, which I highly doubt, I am talking about making a social media profile on every possible network available online – Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Linkedin and etc – and sharing your thoughts there.

Post as regularly and as frequently as possible. People deserve to know your every move and mood. If you’re not happy with something, say it. Don’t hold it inside. Add long detailed, attention-grabbing posts, so that you can make others comment and feel your pain.

And since I mentioned comments: Commenting others people posts might first seem like a humiliating thing to do, however, think of it in a different perspective. Probably they’ve added this picture/post so that you can express your opinion, share your thoughts and direct the attention towards yourself. So, ultimately, commenting, it’s a nice thing to do. Again, you should do it regularly and under as many people’s posts as possible.


Others are Responsible for Your Failures

The promotion you didn’t get is not your fault. Everything started with your wife, who didn’t iron your shirt as good as other times on Tuesday – the day you were making a presentation in front of the board. The boss didn’t seem to like what you’ve prepared, but not because the slides were not well made or the information wasn’t clear enough, it’s because the shirt you were wearing wasn’t ironed as smooth as baby’s skin after а bath.

Your awesomeness is shining so bright that others are making plans to bring you down. Occasionally, this might include even your own wife.

Think about it for a second. Every bad thing that has ever happened to you is caused by people who are envious, jealous and want what you have. I am right, right? You think you’ve recently lost your car keys? Truth is, your neighbor stole them and threw them away. He is jealous of your car and your beautiful hair. You’re not able to lose weight? The main reason you continue eating junk food is the constant commercials about burgers and burritos played on TV. Who is responsible for those? National television. Who works for the biggest national television in the country you’re living in? John, your classmate back in primary school. You know why he does this, right? It’s because you didn’t help him during one of the tests in 10 grade.

Do you see now? People around you are doing their best to sabotage you. That shouldn’t stop you though. Simply ignore them. Next time something doesn’t work out the way you’ve planned, just look around and see who’s responsible. In any case, that’s not you.


Don’t apologize

Why should you? Others are walking on your grounds and you should apologize? Whaaat! No.

According to the Greeks, the word apology has first been used as a derivative of a word meaning “to speak in one’s defense”.5 The thought itself that centuries ago the word had a defensive significance is enough reason that you shouldn’t use it, ever. You’re not weak to use defensive words. You’re muscular, macho and everybody loves you.

One more thing – Apologizing means – admitting you’re wrong. We both know that’s impossible.


Think Only About What to Buy

Happiness means – buying more stuff. Why save money purchasing your own house since you can take a loan from the bank, or live in your parent’s house during your entire life. Buy everything you want without thinking how much it costs. That’s why credit cards were invented. Eventually, you will return the money. The chances of winning the lottery are increasing with every ticket. Also, that distant aunt who owns a couple of houses will probably leave something to you. The fact that you haven’t seen her for the last couple of years doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. Things will be better.


Everybody Likes You

As I mentioned previously, your mom adores you, which also means that everybody else on this planet, and probably in other galaxies, enjoys your company. Having said that, you should act in that direction.

If you are a single guy, it’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s because the girls you’ve met aren’t good enough. I know, good company is hard to find. Of course, this shouldn’t stop from interacting with the opposite sex. Even if a girl tells you: “No, I don’t want to go out with you”, this also shouldn’t stop you. She is just playing hard to get. Internally, she really loves your company and doesn’t mind, you, constantly calling her and talking about yourself. As we talked already, that’s the reason others existing – to hear your voice talking about stuff important only to yourself.


Avoid Work Like a Plague

Ambition, enthusiasm, higher purpose, why? So you could climb the corporate ladder, where you will find even more work and less time for doing nothing. Time is your most valuable asset, this doesn’t mean that you should waste it working or improving. Your health and rest are much more important. Even if you don’t have enough money to afford the lifestyle of the rich and famous, you still can wing it on social media by posting cars and clothes you don’t actually own but you’ve seen in other sites.

Surely, you should do something to earn money. Taking money from your parents is a necessity – they’ve made you, right, this means that they should take care of you until their very last moment. Still, we all need a job. If not for money, at least to have your options. The office is a great place to meet other people who will gladly hear what you want to say.

Keep in mind that having a job doesn’t necessarily means that you should push yourself for the best. Actually, you should take it easy. Do as little as you can and don’t put a lot of efforts. You don’t want to exhaust yourself from too much work.


To Recap

If the information shared above made you imagine a person, a narcissist, a jerk, that shouldn’t surprise you. Silliness takes many shapes and forms. there is not only one definition of a stupid man.

Even though, being stupid seems like something really basic, it’s actually a really complex and hard to understand state – at least for others, who think they’re smarter.

By definition, being stupid means: ” the state of being silly or unwise”. And we’ve all been there. We’re all stupid in some way. Whether this will be driving, cooking, dating, talking, managing people, making hard decisions, thinking logically, it doesn’t matter. We all fail at least in 30% of the things we do every day.6

This article is against everything else on my site. Why I wrote it? – you might ask. Well, because it’s a really hard slap in the face for the people behaving in the ways described above.

Late Disclosure: The things above, aren’t quite recommended to be performed. I hope you did get that.



  1. Here’s the cheesiest success video I’ve ever watched online – LINK
  2. The titles may sound misleading, anti motivational, but I’m really trying to push you for better with those.
  3. Don’t believe me? See this article here – LINK. It’s written by a doctor.
  4. World population has grown rapidly over the last couple of years. Still, this shouldn’t bother you. You’re at least between the top five. Ask your mother. Additionally, you can see the current world population in numbers in real time – LINK
  5. You can read the whole origin about the world inside this article -> LINK
  6. OK, I’ve made this number up. I don’t know if an institute really analyzed how many times we fail each day, but I am sure it will be around that number. Still, failure is part of our lives and we should embrace it and learn from it.

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