Title: How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie
Year: First published: 1936; New edition published: 10/1998
Length: 288 pages
Genre: Self-help; Business; Psychology
Get a copy: 1) Search in local bookstores to support small business 2) Amazon
Short Description: Looking for ways to understand people and win them on your side? This book is for you. It’s like a step by step guide guiding you through the process of communicating with people. The advice inside has helped millions of people.
Sold more than 30 million copies around the world. Translated into dozens of languages. It’s named #19 on Time Magazine’s list of 100 most influential books in 2011. Dale Carnegie’s first book – How to Win Friends and Influence People – is a timeless bestseller, packed with rock-solid advice that has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.
How to Win Friends and Influence People it’s a book, unsurpassed to this day, by the wisdom and techniques it provides. The advice inside has helped millions of people and still does, to reach ultimate success and happiness.
Golden! The book is an enormous resource for handling people.
It’s a must for every manager, supervisor, customer service representative, basically, I would say it’s a must-read for all human beings. Even though social media is taking over, we all interact with fellow humans in some way. No matter physically or through a digital channel, the principles are similar and they will definitely help you in your every-day life.
How to Win Friends and Influence People it’s like a step-by-step guide for understanding how to treat people, talk to them and lure them to accept your point of view.
Here are some of the most insightful things, for me, I would really like to remember from this book:
Wanna Win Someone Over? Convince Him That You are His Friend
How would you feel if the person next to you burst into an angered frenzy? Speaking in a high tone, insulting and making you feel like you are wrong in every single way? Not good, right?
That’s exactly what most of us do when we’re trying to prove our point to the person sitting on the other side. We are too selfish to think that we might heart their feelings, or, embarrass them in front of others. The combination of our ego, survival instincts and selfishness are sabotaging our relationships. Yeah, if you are an alpha person, your strategy might work with weaker people. But have you ever thought how this makes the other person feels? I bet you haven’t.
If you come at me with your fists doubled,” said Woodrow Wilson, “I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from each other, understand why it is that we differ, just what the points at issue are,’ we will presently find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together, we will get together.”
What if you try a different approach. Every time you are having a discussion with a person about something, acknowledge his arguments and explain that you will take them into consideration.
What a better way to start a conversation than making the other person feel good about himself. When we meet a potential client, enter a meeting for negotiating prices, or we are simply on a date, we can start with a friendly tone. Try to connect to the person on higher level, more emotional level. Aim for something bigger than just talking about business. Of course, you should be really careful with the language and your gestures. People will easily spot your evil plan if you are doing it only for the sake of winning.
To avoid being exposed, simply don’t hold any back thoughts. Try to make this beneficial for both of you. Only thinking towards this direction will improve your relationships with others.
Start With Things You Both Agree
The easiest thing we can do is to command, order or impose our opinion on other people with the idea that they will immediately understand and rush towards executing. Especially if we are in a higher position. Well, this is not even close to what happens in real life.
If you want to get someone, do something for you, it is better to try to look through his eyes. Ask yourself: “Why would this person want to do what I want?” For a moment, consider his motives, not yours. Once you think it through, start with what you both agree on. Present everything in a way that the final goal you are both pursuing is actually the same. Stress on that and start talking about the ways to accomplish that goal.
Your main goal, in this case, will be to make the other person say “yes” as soon as possible. A good communicator starts with a series of questions/statements that will trigger positive motives in the person on the other side.
Failing to do so, you are facing against the most difficult resistance – the negative, the “no”. When someone disagrees and respond with a no, it’s no longer only about the word itself, it’s about defending that statement. It’s about his pride. What kind of a person would first say “no” and after a while will change that to a “yes”? Someone who is weak or defenseless probably. At least, that’s how people perceive it. Deep down they know what should be the logical answer, however, if they first said “no”, they will stick to that only because they now need to defend that statement.
That’s one of the reasons you need to start with something you both agree upon and get the other to say “yes”.
Don’t Judge Others
In many cases, we know that the other person is wrong. We see it, feel it. But he doesn’t. He thinks he’s right and by telling him that he’s wrong, you are making an enormous mistake. The case is similar to what I mentioned in the previous section, if you judge his opinion, he will defend himself. Rather, try to understand his point of view by communicating. There is a reason the other person thinks the way he does.
Stop and ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in his shoes?”. Understanding the “cause”, of how the other thinks, will reveal his personality and lead you to a way to understand him better. It can also reduce the tension between both of you. We often talk to angry people, who wish us doom. If you turn to them with the same fury, it will not do us any good. Every fool can strike back, to the one who kicks or talks shit, however, how is this going to help the situation?
This kind of thinking is crucial and plays a huge role in your overall success.
Before entering a meeting, phoning a potential client, take a moment to think about what the other person will want. People don’t want to buy the product itself, they want to buy its benefits. Of course, each person sees different benefits in a particular product. Otherwise, we would have only one manufacturer of phones in the world.
Once you take the time to consider the other person’s perspective, you will become sympathetic to his feel ins and ideas. You will be able to authentically and honestly say, “I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I were in your position, I would feel just as you do.” Dale Carnegie
Don’t simply tell the truth – Paint a Picture
If you want to persuade a person in your arguments, even if he was initially against, if you paint a picture, dramatize the situation, you have a greater chance of winning him on your side. It’s actually a technique used all around the world, in every media format known to humans.
We now have video content, written content, tweets, stories, gifs, emojis and all kind of stuff to express our emotions, feelings, and point of view. Simply telling the truth, or saying “yes”, “no”, “that’s the best product in the market”, “I recommend buying Nokia” (hell no), won’t do the job. If you really want to get the other’s attention, win the interest of that sexy girl you’ve met while buying coffee from the local Starbucks, you should express yourself a bit more poetically, sort to say. Well, don’t try to sound like a creepy romantic weirdo who sounds like he’s never touched a girl.
TV and advertising agencies have mastered the power of storytelling and modern dramatization. Take a look at the current commercials, they are not simply showing us a product, they are also interviewing people who’ve used it. The people in the commercials are explaining how this new cool thing saved their life. Wait, there is more. Now “things are different” and “I can’t live without it anymore”. How about that for an advertisement? Even that we know that this is only a commercial, and they paid these guys to say these stuff, deep down it influence us. The stories build up and soon we are calling the number on the screen and ordering not one, two nasty “save our life” products to benefit from the promotion.
If we don’t challenge ourselves, we will never become more than what we are at the moment. We will never advance. Meaning, that we will be stuck in one mental, physical and financial place.
Remember the times you were at school? You, probably, fought for better grades, being liked from the teacher. Or, the time when you were chasing girls, more particularly, when you were trying to convince this one girl to like you? Or, when you were putting extra hours to complete a project and get a raise? In all of the examples, you were challenging yourself, pushing, doing the impossible to achieve something. Congratulations for the achievements. However, what happened after you accomplished all of that? You got too comfortable, lazy, discouraged. The motivation and drive that was initially fueling your personality have now vanished, gone. Why?
In all of the examples, you were challenging yourself, pushing, doing the impossible to achieve something. Congratulations for the achievements. However, what happened after you accomplished all of that? You got too comfortable, lazy, discouraged, right? The motivation and drive that was initially fueling your personality have now vanished, gone. Why? Well, you most probably ended trapped in the so-called comfort zone. A place we all dream of being but at the same time it’s a place we should all strive to avoid.
Our ultimate goal for a fulfilled life is to have more free time to do nothing, rest, travel, drink mojitos on a sunny beach. We work hard with this sole goal in our minds. Hoping, that one day, we will do nothing. Well, it sounds kind of nice, but real joy comes from doing, achieving, pushing forward, not laying around but naked in the sand.
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