Title: The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships
Author: Neil Strauss
Year: Published: 13/10/2015
Length: 448 pages
Genre: Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships
Get a copy: 1) Search in local bookstores to support small business 2) Amazon
Short Description: True love is hard to find, but keeping it’s even harder. The Truth teaches us what no one else did, how to build and maintain a lifelong contact with another human being. Before he builds his case, the author will go through an emotional hell, avalanche of feelings, waterfall of tears and a lot of sexual intercourses.
Story about relationship adversity between the modern citizens currently occupying the earth. Neil Strauss, who became famous after writing a book about finding a potential mate, is now exploring the depths of sustaining a healthy accord with another human being.
The hero in the book goes back to his roots to find what is keeping him from having a healthy relationship with someone else. Neil comes to the realization that keeping a girl is much harder than finding such. Sex is easy to find, especially now. Long lasting mutual union between people is like a dirty gem that requires polishing before it becomes a true diamond.
I fell in love with Neil’s writing when I read the Game about 5 years ago (in 2012). The book literally changed my life and the way I perceive women. Later, thanks to his site and newsletter, I was able to direct myself towards something more meaningful – like this site – than just craving for a fresh taste of female flesh in my mouth every day.
The Truth, is a book about relationships. Neils is telling us a story, his story, about finding real love. And no, this is not, another tearful novel with a half-naked man on the cover. It’s harsh, uncomfortable, uncensored and real. It’s like a cold glass of water poured in your back, I love it. The book is basically a sequel to what happens after you’ve mastered the Game. Not that you should necessarily have to read it, the Game I mean, to buy this one, even though I highly recommend doing it.
Alongside the storyline, Neil is teaching us through his mistakes, how to maintain a healthy relationship. Before all the pieces of a healthy mutual life are assembled, there is quite a ride – quilt, pain, tears and a sexual paradise, for dessert.
One more thing – make sure to get the physical copy, if you’re planning to buy the book. The covers, the design, the overall feel of the book is awesome. Even though it’s imitation leather, it’s totally worth having it in your personal library.
Here are some of the most insightful things, for me, I would really like to remember from this book:
When I am single, I want to be in a relationship. When I’m in a relationship, I miss being single
We expect love to last forever. Yet, we can’t stop looking at that sexy girl walking down the street.
It’s like a slow motion. We do everything possible to remain calm and avoid showing even a glimpse of what our thoughts are imagining at the moment. The second the girl walks away, we feel relief, and we throw a very quick look at our wife walking beside us, hoping she didn’t suspect anything of want our dirty mind was able to imagine doing with this stranger. Then, our thoughts turn into a different direction, “Does my wife has the same thoughts as I do for other women?” Even though we don’t really want to know the answer to the question, and we’ll probably never will, unless we catch our wife holding hands with the neighbor, we secretly hope these are only thoughts and even if we had the chance we will never cheat on our spouse. Or are we?
When we are single, we do everything possible to feel loved. We crave for loving arms pulling our pants down, kissing us for good morning and holding us tight till the sun is setting. Yet, when we find ourselves bond with someone, we feel chained. Banned from tasting, feeling what else is out there.
Being alone seem way worse when we are alone but much better when our relationship is going through hard times. Instead of focusing on our spouse, every time we have a fight with our partner we think about “what else is out there.” Unfortunately, technology is boosting all these thoughts and emotions.
We now have social media, modern apps, video streaming, promising new and adventures relationships with other people. We all know though, this desire for a different sexual partner is a camouflage of our own insecurity and loneliness.
There is a big bag of shit you are carrying around
In life, we are born innocent and pure, beautiful and honest, ready to dive and explore. As we develop, however, the people we meet load us with baggage. Depending on the individual, each person can carry a different amount of weight till it bury us deep enough into the ground, where there isn’t an escape route.
Each bag contains different amount of shit: the problems of your parents; the physical disabilities you were mocked for, neediness; attention seeker; arrogance; hyper-controlling; dependent; vulnerability.
With each passing year, your shit bag grows. It becomes heavier and more difficult to carry around. Even though it’s a bag, everything you have inside of it reflects the people you meet, in the world outside. Every relationship, interaction loads more and more shit that you will eventually pass to the next one:
- Your last boyfriend cheated? You will be extra vigilant with your new man. No matter that he hasn’t broken your trust, at least yet.
- The person you were previously with was suffocating you? Your new boyfriend will have to live with that.
Instead of releasing the emotions after we end a certain relationship, we carry them around, like a pet. This prevents us from truly connecting with others.
Believe, Behave, Become
Extremely simple, yet powerful technique to keep your relationship in motion and shape.
Believe in you and your spouse. Behave for your wife. Become a nuclear family.” Charles
- Believe – Trust is given loyalty is earned. However, thinking that X amount of time needs to pass in order to trust your partner is a terribly wrong decision. Instead of spying, checking her phone, reading her messages, go in deep. Trust the person you are currently with, unconditionally. Lack of trust can only do you harm. If she/he cheats, it most probably won’t be because of you, it will be because of him/her. Your partner is not ready for a relationship or he/she is simply not a good person, *cough*a whore*cough*.
- Behave – Your partner treating you poorly in private is one thing, doing the same in public is unacceptable. Not that you should comply with the first option, but social embarrassment from your partner is a clear sign that he is careless for you.
- Become – When I think about a relationship between two people, I always imagine one being. The final goal should be becoming a whole. One bulletproof family with mutual goals. Of course, you will both execute different tasks, but they should be aimed towards one bigger mission.
The same flow and technique can be used to achieve pretty much everything valuable your life.
Believe in your Dreams. Behave in a way that will help you make them real. Become the person you wish. This is the place where the magic you thought is unreachable becomes a reality.
Your Life Timeline
Present the story of your life, no to your wife or to your mother, I am positive they won’t enjoy most of it, but for yourself. It’s a great way to see what you’ve done, achieved, screwed up, messed, failed and left hanging.
Aside from the promotions, your new phone, clean car, clothes, friends, and other “nice” things you are sharing on your social media channel, there are others, much worse things that happened to you in your life. Serious shit things, that we hide and try to avoid speaking. No matter how horrible, disgusting or shameful, they are, these things made you who you are, currently. Listing everything, chronologically, will eventually help you find your real path, solve current problems, save your relationship, even save your life.
It’s a great idea to come clean to yourself. Start your story with your birth, go through the things you enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy, doing while you were young and continue till what you are currently doing in present days.
There isn’t like a set format for that, it’s simply a concept I stole from the book and actually applied myself. I started writing about my earliest memories, my parents, how I spend my days when I was younger, my first friend, my first kiss, my first fuck. It’s like writing a script for a movie. However, in this movie, you are the main character.
How to maintain a healthy relationship
The book is basically about this – keeping the girl you’ve so desperately pursue in the first place. It seems easy at first, but not if we think about it more deeply.
We are trained by our friends, family, society to seek potential partners for mating. Our nature is to desire the opposite sex, it’s in our blood. The world, as we know it currently, would not develop as we see it now if we didn’t, well, fucked. It’s not surprising that so many of us have issues keeping their partner being loyal, caring, loving, supportive and in that same relationship. The core of our DNA is making us flight, stare at the other woman breasts, cheat. Resisting mother nature is hard. That’s why we see so many marriages end on the court.
Me, for example, I can relate to the parent’s issues I’ve mentioned above. My parents were seasonally fighting. Meaning, there were nice periods, and there were periods that felt like hell. It was something like a never-ending circle. There was yelling, screaming, broken dishes, remote controls, doors slamming. I was scared of being in a relationship for so many years. I thought that we will end like them. I often felt bored, scared, threatened, imprisoned, by the girl I was dating. That’s probably why it took me years to settle down.
Back to our main question: How to have a healthy relationship?
The answer should be to find what’s best for the family, not for the individual.
A healthy relationship is when two individual adults become a whole. Their actions are no longer to support their selfish needs, their focus has shifted from solely serving themselves, to serving the whole, the commitment they have with the other person. That’s the key to mutual happiness.
Get A Copy:
- Local Bookstore: Search in a near, local bookstore to support small business.