Party, sex, alcohol, illegal substances, trouble with the police, different girls every night… This is how I remember my years between the age of 18, and 25. To be honest, I don’t remember much. 5 nights out of 7 I was partying hard. If I sum up the amount of money I’ve spend on alcohol it will probably be enough for a really good sports car.
Now, I rarely go out to parties. Actually, the parties I attend to are the birthdays of my friend’s children. Surely is not the biggest party in the world, but it’s the only party I would really wanna go now.
Only a few years back, I was seeing with my friends each and every day. The first thing when I opened my eyes was to arrange a gathering of the group. We were so close that we were seriously thinking of getting an apartment and moving in together.
Our priorities were these: where should we go today, are there gonna be girls, how can I find money for tonight. That’s it. The other things like career, education, what I want to become when I grow up were things that weren’t something I, and my friends, took very seriously. We studied, but mainly to find more parties to go to and more girls to hook up with. Eventually, we did find, more from both.
Aww, and one more thing. The whole process of partying and hooking up with girls involved alcohol, a lot of it.
Currently, I am 29 and till the age of 25, my life was circling around the stuff above. Suddenly, my desire to get hammered every night stopped. My starving for a fresh pus** also. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen with a couple of my friends, they still wanted a fresh taste of that intimate piece of skin and didn’t stop drinking daily. Soon after, we slowly drifted apart and not surprisingly stopped seeing each other that often.
At the beginning, I was quite upset and thought that It was my fault. Mainly, because they were constantly inviting me to go places (parties) that I refused to go.
Soon after, I realized that I was simply not the same person anymore. It felt that I am abandoning my friends.
What changed me?
I was sick. Sick of myself at some point. I was going nowhere with my life and I had to realize this the hard way.
Me and my friends went out to a local bar. The night was pretty normal till the second bottle of whiskey. After which, I don’t remember anything. I woke up next morning with a major headache and zero memory of how I got home. The worst thing, it was the 3rd time this week I went out and get drunk as fuck. That same morning, I told to myself that I won’t ever smoke and I will never drink till a state I don’t know what I am doing.
I stopped smoking, which was great, but my alcohol habit wasn’t over yet. A few more years passed till I get rid of it for good.
What changed me was my own failure. I felt like garbage, like a piece of shit that hasn’t a single brain cell. I was definitely drifting through life and wasn’t getting anywhere.
Years were passing, but my life was still the same. That thought was driving me crazy. I wanted more. Become more, create more, achieve more and surely the life I was living wouldn’t help me be more.
When We Grow Up?
Each year, for sure. With every year that passes of the calendar, we celebrate with our closest friends and family members the day we were born. One more year full of experience, memories and hopefully followed by much more of these.
However, our age it’s not a sign of adulthood. We can be 35 and we can still do stupid childish mistakes. Our age is just a number. A way to measure life cycles.
There are many people who are half our age and are much more responsible and rational. The opposite is also true. I know people who are 40, 50 years old and are still nowhere in life. Still blaming others and rely solely on their parents or the other people for the important decisions in their own lives.
These people never change, or if they do, it will be too late.
When we grow up then?
When We Have No Choice
My observation is that people grow up when they are forced to do so. And by forced, I mean real life issues are knocking on their door whether they like it or not.
The most responsible people I know were either raised only by one parent or they were exposed to life problems from a very young age. They had to grow up the hard way. Taking important decisions from very little and tackling problems while others were still fed by their mothers.
Our parents and the people we daily communicate play a huge role in what we will become one day. If our parents are overprotective and don’t allow us to interact, take difficult decision we will eventually grow up mentally weak, defenseless. Which in the long run will do us tremendous harm. Such people are not quite prepared for what real life has to offer, thus they struggle and feel stressed more often.
My parents were overprotective and this didn’t play so well for me as well. Not that I blame them or something.
In winter, I had to wear a ton of clothes in order to go out and play with the other kids. When I was a teenager, and I wasn’t home till midnight, they called me all worried and asking what is happening and when I will be getting home. They were constantly frightened about my health, grades, who I go out with and pretty much everything.
Even though that they helped me, and still do, a lot in my life, I wasn’t able to handle this kind of attention. I did everything possible to become independent in every aspect of my life, but it took years.
Others I know were autonomous from very young age which helped them achieve more at very young age.
I am sure you heard stories of movie stars, artists, great authors or others who lost a parent when they were very little, but this didn’t stop them from becoming masters of their craft.
One of these stories is Eddie Murphy’s one. The comedian’s father died when Murphy was very young, and Murphy and his brother were placed in foster care for a time when his mother got very ill. They were later returned to their mother’s care. Still, this tragic event didn’t stop him from becoming one of the most popular movies starts.
The author of the famous book Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien father died when Tolkien was 3, and his mother when he was 12. He and his siblings were taken in and raised by family friends. We all know how impactful was his masterpiece.
I actually believe that these tragic events actually helped them reach greatness.
You Need To Grow Up
I bet someone said this to you at some point.
Either your mother, father, girlfriend, boyfriend, teacher or an old lady you met on the street.
In most of the cases, these people have the right to say that. When young, we often do a lot of stupid things that are so incredibly dull, that we later think why we did it in the first place. Unfortunately, we rarely take this advice seriously. It rather annoys us and motivate us towards doing more stupid, dumb things.
At least this is what I did 🙂 I hated when someone told me what to do. I was too stubborn and selfish to look through the other people’s eyes. That’s why I made the opposite on what they told me. Yes, is sounds really stupid, but I am sure that a lot of you will understand.
What I wish I See in More Young People?
Start handling their own lives at a younger age. To stop relying on their parents for everything – money, the roof above their head, important decisions, chores, finding a job… We need to become more responsible and to start fighting our own fights from very little.
An overprotective parent may think he is taking the right choice for his kid at that time, but eventually, this will cause him more harm than will do him good.
Children, who grew up with someone who is constantly taking decisions for them and not allowing them to express their true self, grew up with weak character and later in life let others decide instead of them.
If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” Greg Mckeown
What I wish I See More Parents Do?
To allow their children to grow up.
Don’t suffocate them with “love” and “protection” so that they don’t have space to really live. Allow them to make mistakes so they can learn from them; give advice only when you are asked for such; leave them take important decisions; motive them to become better people and guide them towards finding a real meaningful task to pursue.
There are a lot of other ways that you can help and protect your child: Providing pleasant, creative, supportive growing environment; Provisioning the tools, books, resources so that your child can explore different topics and eventually find his true calling; Teach him to be persistent, honorable, hard working and to never give up on his tasks and dreams.
I’m not yet a parent, but these are few of the things I will try to preach and also the things I wish my parents thought me.
We are born, we grow up and we die.
Growing up it’s not a matter of age is more like a matter of personal life management. The younger we start handling our own problems by ourselves, the sooner we will reach a state where there are endless possibilities. Most people learn this the hard way, others, live their entire life not able to take a single decision and rely on others for pretty much everything.
My personal recommendations will be to do whatever it takes to become more independent. More self-driven and to really mostly on your own personal skills and decisions. This builds character, makes you stronger and prepares for the real life.
The life we all have to live.